Wednesday, May 27, 2015

Running Rules

Running is cool. It's the cat's pajamas. The bee's knees. The bullfrog's beard. The duck's quack. The elephant's arches...you get the picture.
That makes one of us. I can't believe these sayings used to be a thing. They don't make sense. But part of me wants to bring them back...starting with my personal fave, "the gnat's elbow."

Okay, now here are some rules for running. (Why? Well lemme tell ya. A few mornings ago a lady pulls up next to me as I'm running and, after apologizing for interrupting my run, tells me that a girl was raped on the trail that I had just emerged from. AH! She was being super nice and was just concerned for my safety. She encouraged me to run with other people if at all possible. I thanked her and told her I would definitely do that. So. I figured I should follow this good woman's example and do my duty to inform the public. You know...since I have a vast audience of dedicated followers.)

Rules for Running
More like guidelines really...
by me, Kristi Rush, Maria Morley, Tyler Crofts, and Kelsey Braithwaite.

#1. Do not run by yourself. I'm torn on this one...just...be safe.
#2. Obey traffic laws. In a battle between you and a car, you will lose every time (even if you have the right of way.) So, on that note...
#3. Make sure people in vehicles see you. Look at their eyes and make sure they see you and know you have the right of way before venturing safely out into the road.
#4. DO NOT jog in place or in circles or in a zig-zag pattern, etc. at stoplights. Or do it. So I can laugh. I like laughing.
#5. Terrain of choice: (in order from best to worst) grass, dirt, road, sidewalk. Basically, if it's safe to run on a softer surface, do so. Your body will thank you.
#6. Learn how to snot-rocket and spit properly.
#7. Do not wear a water bottle belt for a 3-mile run.
#8. Stay on your feet.
#9. Spandex underneath shorts are a no-no.
#10. Don't wear basketball shorts.
#11. Wave or nod or somehow kindly acknowledge fellow runners.
#12. Don't start sprinting if someone passes you. Go your own pace.
#13. Carbo-loading is not really necessary if you are running less than a half-marathon.
#14. Do not wear a regular bra underneath your sports bra.
#15. Don't run in Vibram 5 fingers. Or crocs. Actually, don't ever wear crocs. Period.

Well, there you have it. These "guidelines" may or may not apply to you depending on your running experience, height, weight, gender, opinion on global warming, etc. So adhere to them as rigidly or as flexibly as you wish.
Happy running!
Which reminds me...Cool Runnings. It's a good movie. You should check it out.

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