Sunday, February 1, 2015

My Hate Poem

14. I am grateful for music. I am not a great singer, but I love singing in choirs. Why? Because I get to sing praises to my God. Because I get to learn and practice. Because I can feel the Spirit. Because it reminds me of my testimony and I get to express that in a beautiful way. Because I get to hear other people sing. We are singing How Firm a Foundation and I Believe in Christ. I love these hymns so much.
15. I am grateful for the scriptures. And for testimonies. And for fasting. And for church. And for the sacrament. And for my Savior. Basically I am just eternally grateful for the gospel. I know it is true. 

Today I read 2 Nephi 4 and I really related to Nephi when he laments his sinful nature. He is human and therefore not perfect. I feel the same frustration with myself. I definitely have more cause to be frustrated with myself than Nephi. Sometimes I cannot believe how weak I am. Argh.
Here's a poem I wrote during my senior year of high school. I remember writing it the morning it was due so don't judge too harshly. Doctor Parker's (yes, she made us call her "Doctor") AP English class was a joke, really. The assignment was to write a poem about something we hated. A hate poem. It was kinda hard to pick a topic honestly. But what I came up with pertains to the topic of this post.

Day by day I struggle
Week by week I strive
So many faults to overcome
I fear I've only mastered some.

Though this introspection is not a breeze
It is necessary –
My conscience to appease.

I hate the limitations
Imposed by others
But, most of all, the ones I hate
Are the limitations I create.

P.S. I'm pretty proud of myself for finding this. It was in the miscellaneous folder in my email. 
Although I don't like my weaknesses and being frustrated with myself, I realize I need to have those moments of frustration. Because then I can channel them into motivation to become better. They help me recommit to becoming more Christlike. That is why we have church for three hours every Sunday. And daily personal prayer and scripture study.
Here are the verses that particularly stood out to me in chapter 4: 
15 And upon these I write the things of my soul, and many of the scriptures which are engraven upon the plates of brass. For my soul delighteth in the scriptures, and my heart pondereth them, and writeth them for the learning and the profit of my children.

16 Behold, my soul delighteth in the things of the Lord; and my heart pondereth continually upon the things which I have seen and heard.

 17 Nevertheless, notwithstanding the great goodness of the Lord, in showing me his great and marvelous works, my heart exclaimeth: O wretched man that I am! Yea, my heart sorroweth because of my flesh; my soul grieveth because of mine iniquities.
 18 I am encompassed about, because of the temptations and the sins which do so easily beset me.
 19 And when I desire to rejoice, my heart groaneth because of my sins; nevertheless, I know in whom I have trusted.
 20 My God hath been my support; he hath led me through mine afflictions in the wilderness; and he hath preserved me upon the waters of the great deep.
 21 He hath filled me with his love, even unto the consuming of my flesh.
 22 He hath confounded mine enemies, unto the causing of them to quake before me.
 23 Behold, he hath heard my cry by day, and he hath given me knowledge by visions in the night-time.
 24 And by day have I waxed bold in mighty prayer before him; yea, my voice have I sent up on high; and angels came down and ministered unto me.
 25 And upon the wings of his Spirit hath my body been carried away upon exceedingly high mountains. And mine eyes have beheld great things, yea, even too great for man; therefore I was bidden that I should not write them.
 26 O then, if I have seen so great things, if the Lord in his condescension unto the children of men hath visited men in so much mercy, why should my heart weep and my soul linger in the valley of sorrow, and my flesh waste away, and my strength slacken, because of mine afflictions?
 27 And why should I yield to sin, because of my flesh? Yea, why should I give way to temptations, that the evil one have place in my heart to destroy my peace and afflict my soul? Why am I angry because of mine enemy?
 28 Awake, my soul! No longer droop in sin. Rejoice, O my heart, and give place no more for the enemy of my soul.
 29 Do not anger again because of mine enemies. Do not slacken my strength because of mine afflictions.
 30 Rejoice, O my heart, and cry unto the Lord, and say: O Lord, I will praise thee forever; yea, my soul will rejoice in thee, my God, and the rock of my salvation.
 31 O Lord, wilt thou redeem my soul? Wilt thou deliver me out of the hands of mine enemies? Wilt thou make me that I may shake at the appearance of sin?
 32 May the gates of hell be shut continually before me, because that my heart is broken and my spirit is contrite! O Lord, wilt thou not shut the gates of thy righteousness before me, that I may walk in the path of the low valley, that I may be strict in the plain road!
 33 O Lord, wilt thou encircle me around in the robe of thy righteousness! O Lord, wilt thou make a way for mine escape before mine enemies! Wilt thou make my path straight before me! Wilt thou not place a stumbling block in my way—but that thou wouldst clear my way before me, and hedge not up my way, but the ways of mine enemy.
 34 O Lord, I have trusted in thee, and I will trust in thee forever. I will not put my trust in the arm of flesh; for I know that cursed is he that putteth his trust in the arm of flesh. Yea, cursed is he that putteth his trust in man or maketh flesh his arm.
 35 Yea, I know that God will give liberally to him that asketh. Yea, my God will give me, if I ask not amiss; therefore I will lift up my voice unto thee; yea, I will cry unto thee, my God, the rock of my righteousness. Behold, my voice shall forever ascend up unto thee, my rock and mine everlasting God. Amen.
One last thought. In fast and testimony meeting today someone shared Ether 12:27. It's the perfect way to end this. 
 27 And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.

There is always hope because of our Savior and Redeemer Jesus Christ. It is through Him and His Atonement and His gospel that we can be happy in this life and in eternity. Of this I testify in His name, Amen.

I guess my hate poem turned into a testimony.

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